after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
