things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
