It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
