I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
