i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
