Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
