best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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