We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
