Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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