i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think your dad took our porno
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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