Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I faked an abortion last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize