I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
