I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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