well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
