yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
