So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
