do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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