I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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