you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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