why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
