the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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