We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize