Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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