I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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