there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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