tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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