Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
