I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
