U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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