halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
