Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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