We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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