Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
