Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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