Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He has the fingertips of a God
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