Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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