Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
