I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
