SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
