yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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