sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
