After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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