It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
