i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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