I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
