They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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