Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
