so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
