Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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