Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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