I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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