Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
