You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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