How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
