I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
