Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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