I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
