I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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