I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
