I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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